Dimlight:A twilight PaRoDy
by Barryyay
Summary: Dulla has is the hotest thing earth ever! When she meets to sporks covington she meets so many guys its hard to choose! But theres one she likes in particular The pixie deadward mullet! how will their love EVER survive?


**I know, I know. There are A BILLION twilight parodies, but lets face it. The series is EXTREMLY easy to make fun of : ) I actually like the series the books and the movie, but I enjoy poking fun of it to. So if your a hater or a fan theres somthen here for you! Also I know Im not the best writer, I in no way claim to be!**

**First set me explain some stuff...**

**Bella will be "Dulla" because of she acts in the real books and keeps most of her original name.  
Edward is deadward, becase in a way he is dead and keeps most of his original name  
Jacob will be ja-YUCK! he is extremly ugly in the parody which is opposite to his book/movie apperance.**

**The town is called Sporks. YES! I know that town name was used in "Vampire sucks." But allow me to explain... My first draft of Dimlight started back last november a year and a half ago. The town then was called sporks. Thats MONTHS before vampire sucks was even heard of. I'm not saying they copied the name at all! I'm just saying its one of those things that just happans. I'd say the word but I can't spell it : )**

**This parody also makes fun of girls in OTHER vampire book series, how they fall in love with every guy they meet.**

**so enjoy! :p**

**1**

Today was one of the saddest day in my mom's life. She stood in front of me, bursting into tears before getting on her knees and begging me not to leave. I know why she didn't want me to leave, let's face it, im awesome. Every body at my old school was all over me and I was sure enough every boy at my new school would be to, because you see I am hot. My skin was pale, my hair was long and black, and sometimes I even reminded people of the girl off _the ring_. I was leaving the hot phoenix sun for a depressed, rainy, dull and quiet town of Sporks Covington . My dad was forcing my against my dying will to live with him.  
" Dulla please!" My mother grabbed my leg, " Don't leave me! I'll give anything you want. Who will take care of me? I can't get a job! I never went to college."

" But mom, you're forty years old." I replied, " I think it's time for you to grow up, I can't do everything for you."  
She crawled to the nearest wall and began violently banging her head, screaming "why!"

I crossed my arms, how embarrassing. It was time to get rid of her. I reached into my pocket and took out a pair of sparkly pink Hannah Montana shoes.

" Look mom, look!" I said, dangly them in front of her face. " See the shoes? Go fetch!"

I threw them and she darted down the terminal on four legs to go get them.

My dad bob was waiting for me on the other side of the airport. He had just got out the day before from prison. But my dad wasn't the criminal type, in fact he was only a pedophile. Nothing abnormal about that, for him it was what put bread on the table. He stood there in front of me looking around at all the kids, when he noticed me he looked at me and paused.

" Hey dad." I said.

"Hey baby, ready to go?"

"Yeah let me just get my luggage." I walked a few steps backwards and grabbed a hold of one of my thirty luggage bags I had with me.

" Gosh Dulla!" dad exclaimed, " I'm not even sure all of that will fit in my minie van. What do you have in there?"

" Oh, these are just my dolls. There loading the rest of my luggage off the truck outside."

"Oh good." He said. As we walked, he was quiet than started talking again. " Now I know what you're thinking. I'm forty years old, bald, hairy, my wife left me and I just got out of prison but just ignore all of that. I'm hip and young, in fact I've enrolled in the same high school as you."

" seriously?"

" Yeah were going to be like, best friends. I even took the time to make sure we have all our classes together."

" Oh." I muttered unsure of what really to say.

A few minutes later, we got in his minie van and were off.

When we got to my dad's house, I headed straight inside. I knew my dad wouldn't mind carrying all of my bags on his own. My roomed looked exactly how I didn't remember it. It had a single bed, a desk and a television monitor on the back wall. The walls were painted purple which seemed to go with my tinker bell window curtains.

" Dulla!" Dad called out, " A boy is here to see you."

Oooh! Already. I knew as soon as I got to Sporks I would be the talk of the town. I'm just that hot. I headed back outside, there was an old, rusty wal-mart eighteen wheeler and large muscular man holding a wrench standing next to it.

"Dulla this is duck." Dad explained.

An extremely ugly young boy stepped behind Duck and made himself known. He was skinny, and wore holy jeans and a plain white t-shirt with a blonde mullet that some how defined him.

" This is Ja-YUCK.'

My dad threw up on the concrete ground. We all did.

"Is that his name, Ja-yuck?"

"Well it's Ja.." He tried to stop himself from throwing up, " but he's so ugly nobody can ever finish his name." dad explained, "and you see the truck? I bought it from Duck; think of it as a late Christmas present."

"But christmas was eleven and a half months ago."

"Don't push it."

"Glad you like." Duck explained, "Took forever to steal...uhh I mean borrow…uhh I mean merry Christmas!"

"Oh I love it!" I exclaimed, running forward and hugging the nearest front tire. I rubbed my hand across the rough, warn out piece of rubber, " It's beautiful." I breathed, closed my eyes and did a few yoga moves, " Just beautiful."

" Well glad you like it, but we've got to get to school." Dad said, then he gestured at Duck, " We'll see you later."

Bob walked over to Duck, grabbed his shoulder and they made out for a few minutes.

" It was just a kiss good-bye." Dad explained after we got into the wal-mart truck, " There is nothing gay about two guys kissing!"

" Maybe in Sporks." I replied, taking a left turn. My dad was sitting in the passengers side with his feet prompt up on the dash board.

" So let's talk about school." Dad said, " If anyone asked I just hit puberty early, that's why I look so old…also I'll be your boyfriend…if anyone ask."

"Why?" I replied.

" Because Dulla I can't be the only guy at school without a girlfriend, in Sporks were popular by how many whores we have."

" Really?"

" Yeah…Dulla watch out!" Dad screamed, we ran over something. I was thrown into the air then back down into my seat. He looked behind us and gave a sign of relief. " Never mind, It was just a kid on a bike, I thought we ran over a dog or something!"

"That was exciting."

" Now that's my klutzy Dulla."

When we got to school, dad wouldn't let me get out of my truck. He came around the side of the vehicle holding the door open for me.

" We have to look like a couple remember." Dad said, " people are looking at us."

People actually were looking at us, I think it's just because I'm so hot.

"I'll go get our schedules." He said, after we were both inside. He left me alone before this random Asian guy ambushed me, but man, he was hot.

"Hi my name's Eric." He said.

He seemed friendly enough but he reminded me of a raccoon I used to hang out with.

" I love you you're my soul mate!" I cheered, hugging him tightly.

"Dulla!" Bob shouted coming up behind me, " What is going on here?"

I let go of Eric." Dad, I mean Bob! It's not what it looks like." I got the words out quickly.

" Dad?" Eric asked with a disgusted, confused expression swept across his face.

"What is going on Dulla!" Bob broke into tears, " and I want the truth! Has the first thirty minutes of incest meant nothing to you?"

When we both turned back to look, Eric was running down the hallway.

**I know its a bit gross but I was bored. chapter 2 will come if this does well enough but who knows!**


End file.
